You Need a Coach B*tch
In this weekly podcast, Certifed Coach Instructor Chris Hale keeps it real and sassy to help you claim your own authority and put the biggest, brightest, most unapologetic version of yourself out into the world.
You Need a Coach B*tch
Weakness or Limitation
In this episode we discuss the distinction between temporary weaknesses that can be improved and inherent limitations that may require acceptance and mourning is explored. This part of the conversation underscores the importance of self-compassion and setting realistic expectations in the face of personal limitations.
I hope to highlight that medication, for some, is not a sign of weakness but a vital part of managing one's mental health. By sharing these candid experiences, I ncourages listeners to reassess their own narratives and seek out the support they need, whether that's medication, therapy, or educational resources like AI.
Self-acceptance and the resilience that comes from understanding our own tapestry of limitations and strengths is crucial. Le's all acknowledge and honor the full spectrum of the human experience.
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Hey besties, how's it going? How are we feeling? How's the week going? It's my birthday month. Actually, it's my birthday week. My birthday is tomorrow, march 29th if you're listening to this on March 28th, when it releases. So happy birthday to me. I'm going to be 43, which is kind of like a meh birthday, I don't know. I mean, every birthday is like a yay, we're celebrating. But which is kind of like a meh birthday, I don't know. I mean, every birthday is like a yay, we're celebrating, but you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I thought like that I would be in a different place by now. And I'm not, and I think a lot of us can relate to that right, like thinking that like things would be different, and then we get here and they're not and you're like, hmm, it's time to reassess. So I'm sure I will be doing some reassessing. Also, places where I didn't think I'd be, which were such a surprise and a gift, are back at SoulCycle. So I mean, not all of the where I thought I would be versus where I am is like stuff that would be quote unquote negative. I just thought my life would look different, and different isn't necessarily bad. So there you have it. That's how I'm ringing in 43. That's the thought for this year and we're just gonna go with it. We're gonna, we're gonna celebrate.
Speaker 1:I've got lots going on. I'm going to see Sweeney Todd on Saturday with like swoon Aaron Tveit who, incidentally, I believe his father built my aunt's house, so that's a thing, and I actually saw him perform as Tony in West Side Story in his high school musical, because he's from the town over from me, so we have, like you know, a one degree of separation thing going on, which is like totally crazy. He also used to live off the same subway stop as me and I would see him on the train sometimes, but like I just didn't know how to say hi to him because I had such a crush on him, so it was like I don't know like how to form words, so I never said hi to him. But we're going to see Sweeney Todd he's in it and also, obviously Joe Locke from Heartstopper and if you are a fan of the pod, you know about my relationship with Heartstopper. So this is very big. It's a very, very big birthday weekend for me. I'm very excited and I'm actually kind of kicking it all off tonight it's Wednesday when I'm recording this by going to see two of my students in the Juilliard Showcase for spring dances. So I'm super proud of them. I can't wait to see them perform. I love them so much and, yeah, exciting stuff.
Speaker 1:Anyway, jumping right into today's topic, today we're talking about weaknesses versus limitations and you're like, wait, aren't they the same thing? And I'm like no, no, they're not, because it's like one of those things where every blank is a blank, but not every blank is a blank. You know what I'm saying. So every weakness can cause limitation, but not every limitation is a weakness. And I'm going to explain it all. So, don't worry, buckle in.
Speaker 1:When I think of weaknesses, what I really think about, I always go back to the body, right, and so all over our body we have weaknesses and strengths. And if you work with someone on, you know fitness goals, or if you're in physical therapy or you do any other kind of like a movement modality, one of the goals for those is to balance out weaknesses right, like the muscle imbalances that we have, just from like live in life, like we end up with muscle imbalances from just live in life, just from like living life, like we end up with muscle imbalances from just living life. And then if you sustain any kind of injury, right, your brain basically tells that part of the body to stop working and it can create a really big weakness there where the muscles are not activating. Actually, this happened to me once with my right leg, where I don't know what I did, but my right leg was turned off and I went for an adjustment by my chiropractor and the very next day I was doing some painting around the house and the day after that I woke up and I could. My right leg was so sore Like I could barely move it. It was swollen. It was like a whole thing and it had been because I'd been just moving, moseying along without that right leg activating like the way it could and all of a sudden it was turned on and activating and I was sore from it. So that's a place where I didn't even realize I had a weakness. I didn't even realize that there was something going on in my body where there was an imbalance that had created a weakness in this muscle groups, and here I was now aware of it and then I could work on it.
Speaker 1:So I think of a weakness as something that we can actually improve upon, or like if I'm learning a new skill, I'm going to have a weakness there, right? I'm not going to be able to do it with efficiency and proficiency right away, and so I have to overcome those weaknesses while trying to learn that new skill, and so that's going to limit my ability to produce something in that arena. So if I'm learning to play guitar, right, my fingers are probably going to be really weak. My hands might be really weak and they're not going to be as like dexterous as you know they could be. I'm not going to be able to glide through chords or picking or strumming patterns or be able to articulate the different notes as easily, because I'm not going to have the strength, like the physical strength and muscle memory to do that. That's an example of a weakness, right, and a weakness doesn't equate to bad. So just because I'm weak somewhere doesn't mean it's a bad thing. There's nothing moral about having weaknesses, just like there's nothing moral about having limitations.
Speaker 1:So we've talked before about going all in on our limitations and really embracing them, and yes, we want to do that. But also, when it comes to limitations, the way that I think about a limitation, it's kind of something that isn't going to change, right? So if we go back to like our conversation last week with Kristen Carter about ADHD, like I have ADHD, and focus is always going to be a problem. Executive function is always going to be a problem. So I have limits around those things. I wouldn't call them weaknesses, though. Right, I don't think that I am weak in any way because I have executive functioning issues. That doesn't make me weak, it just means that I'm limited in that capacity. But here's, the thing about limitations is that I can make accommodations for some of those limitations and they might improve, or I'm going to be able to like negotiate through them a little bit better, and one of those accommodations for me is medication. So that's actually how this whole conversation came up to begin with for me.
Speaker 1:I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and my sleep has been fucked y'all. Like I went on Adderall and my sleep got better and then it got worse again. And then I was trying these THC gummies and my sleep got better and then it got worse again, and I just haven't been able to find a way to actually manage my sleep in a way that is benefiting me, and I've noticed that my brain activity at night is like so intense, like I feel conscious for most of the night. So, talking to my psychiatrist about it, he's like, yeah, we need to get your sleep better. So he put me on another medication that was going to help me with sleep.
Speaker 1:And it was so funny because I was thinking about how, like 10 years ago, I would have been like, absolutely not, I don't want medication. I would have seen needing medication as a weakness. I would have thought that I should have been able to overcome all of the things that I was going through by a sheer willpower and that's just not the case. I tried it and I just things never, never felt good. I still, you know, even with the support of medication, don't necessarily feel amazing. Lots has shifted and I do have like more focus, more ability to organize my brain. It's less noisy in there. Obviously, my antidepressants really help because I'm not, like you know, laying in bed, not being able to move, like that's ideal when you have stuff you gotta do.
Speaker 1:But, um, yeah, I always in the past saw the need for medication as someone being weak and I feel really bad about that. And mostly I feel bad about it for myself, because I probably would have benefited from being on medication so long ago, and who knows what my life would be like had I actually gotten the support that I needed at the time. And so that got me thinking about the fact that, like support, like when we need support, we need to like get away from this idea that there's something wrong with us for needing that support. And if you are already screaming it, I'm just going to point it out All of that was a complete ableist bullshit. Ableist bullshit. I had internalized this idea that my mental illness and everything that came along with it was somehow my fault and I should be able to overcome it on my own. This is totally internalized ableism. So that brings us to today, to this point in my life where I'm so grateful for all of the support that I do have.
Speaker 1:And it's just funny, like I just laugh at myself in a way, like I'm trying to not like beat myself up for not wanting to have gotten that support in the past, but I can just laugh at myself now for being like, oh my God, look at all of the medications that you're on, where, like, your past self would have been so judgmental of the fact that I need those. So, like, how do we know if we're dealing with a weakness or limitation, and I don't know that it actually matters. It really matters what the impact on our life is our well-being, our mental health, our emotional well-being, all of those things and how much time and energy and effort we have to put into negotiating and managing our weaknesses and limitations, and what kind of support, if any, we're going to seek out in order to help us have the kinds of lives that we want to have. The other thing that kind of inspired this episode is I watched the Oprah Winfrey special on obesity and I really related to it in the sense that, like all ADHD or CPTSD or any other treatment-resistant depression, like any other label that's been put on me or I've accepted, I don't necessarily see as a disease, but I do see them as real, I do see them as factual, I do see them as limitations, right, or there are aspects of those diagnoses that create limitations for me.
Speaker 1:And, yes, the world is contributing to the disability because of the fact that the world is not set up for me and my neurotype Absolutely Like. I'm not taking away from any of that, but I don't like to think about it as being like a disease Disability, sure, but disease? No, and I think the same thing goes with obesity and like the disease, the way that I'm understanding it is not necessarily the obesity itself, it's not the adipose tissue itself, but it's the complications that can be caused because of the adipose tissue in certain individuals. So there can be people who have excess, what we would consider excess adipose tissue like. What does that even mean? That could have their numbers could be fine, they could, you know, they could be in great health and it's not having any kind of impact on their overall well-being, whereas there can be other people that it is actually creating complications for them, and for those people medications might be the way to go, right, so not every person who is obese, right like, has the quote-unquote disease of obesity.
Speaker 1:And that point was made in this Oprah special, which I think was like something very different for Oprah and it's a very different way of thinking for a lot of us. Even when I had my first session with the psychiatrist, I was talking about being neurodivergent and he was like well, who gave you that term? And I was like, well, isn't having ADHD divergent from a neurotypical person? And he's like, yes, well, right now it's classified as a disorder by the DSM and I'm like I didn't say this to him, but I'm like us people with the different brains from the norm do not like to be thought of as disordered. It's just not. It doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1:And this is where everyone gets to decide, like I don't care what you do on an individual level and how you handle things and what kinds of labels you choose. But, as Kristen was saying last week, like getting a diagnosis can really help because you're going to be labeled anyway. So why not take control over how you're being labeled, how you label yourself and like what you advocate for in the world in terms of what kind of accommodations you can expect to have? So how do we get there? How do we decide? What do we do? We really have to look at things individually.
Speaker 1:So for me, right with my ADHD, I was taking my medicine like my Adderall as needed, and I've realized that I actually need it every day. It's not something that, like I can actually go without because I don't have the kind of energy that I want to have. So this is a limitation, not a weakness, right? I have limited energy and being on stimulant medication both quiets my mind, so I'm not burning up energy at the same rate and it helps me focus on things that I want to be doing and gives me the energy to actually complete those things. So this is a support need. This is something that I need. That's outside of me. I can't just positively think my way through. I need real support. Versus learning the skill of copywriting, for instance.
Speaker 1:Now I had this amazing conversation with my coach friend, amanda, about using AI for copywriting, and here's the thing let's look at I can get better at copywriting, which I want to do. I want to get better, I want to improve my copywriting skill, but right now I don't have it. How do I do that? I have to do it, but I also need education around it. Where do I get that education? So I've been using ChatGPT to help me with copywriting, and some people might see that as me selling out and being unethical, but I'm not just putting something into ChatGPT, letting it spit back out something to me and then posting exactly what it said. I'm so educating ChatGPT.
Speaker 1:I went through a whole process from my friend, Ashley, who is also a coach. She trained ChatGPT to talk like her. I did that whole process and then I've been using it and training it to speak more like me, and that's also helping me get better at copywriting, because when I see something that it spits out, I'm like, oh no, that's not quite it, and I make alterations to it. So there is a learning curve there, and I'm getting support for a weakness while I build a strength, and hopefully, one day, I will turn around and be where I want to be as a copywriter.
Speaker 1:That weakness, though, was creating a limitation for me in the ability to show up and create as much content as I wanted to, and that pairs up with the limitation of my ADHD, which, with the executive dysfunction, I have a hard time starting things. I have a hard time knowing, like, how to organize my thoughts, and so it really helps me to see an example of organized thoughts. So then I can go in and say like, okay, that's not quite it, but now I have a template which I can use to kind of start creating for myself, and I don't think that this is any different than like taking a copywriting class or, you know, being in a business mastermind where people are training you and helping you learn how to develop your copy. I don't think it's any different, and for me, this is a much easier way to interact with my copy, because I don't like to interact with people, right, and one of my limitations because I don't like to interact with people is I don't show up to group programs and get the help that I need because of that environment. It really stresses me out. So, again, this is something where there's a limitation that I can make an accommodation for with ChatGPT. That is going to help me.
Speaker 1:Now there are some limitations that are never going to be able to be accommodated and I think that that is something that we need to look at and realize that just because there is not an accommodation for that limitation does not automatically make it a weakness. It doesn't make it something bad. The problem with making it something bad is that we're making it our fault. Usually we're not looking to the world and saying in what ways is the world not accommodating me? We're like in what ways am I messing this up and not doing well enough? So we want to be very, very careful about categorizing limitations that require accommodation from outside places as a weakness.
Speaker 1:So that's like the entire point of this episode is really being able to be clear about the difference between a weakness and a limitation, ways in which we can accommodate for both the fact that a weakness might limit you, but maybe only for a short period of time. And there's a way to go all in on our limitations by accepting that they exist and then choosing whether or not we're going to look for a way to accommodate that limitation, whether or not we're going to look for a way to accommodate that limitation or we're going to not do the work around it and just let it be okay that it's something that we don't have access to, which, when we do, that requires a level of mourning mourning a person who we thought we were going to be. I talked about that in my ADHD update episode. I've had to do a lot of that in my ADHD update episode. I've had to do a lot of that. I've had a lot of grief.
Speaker 1:So that's a part of this process of teasing out our weaknesses from our limitations and accepting what is and accepting what I have the capacity to continue to try to work through and work for to attain and what I'm going to need to just sit with and process. So I hope that helped you in some way. It helped me just to even like, get it out of my brain, because I've been spinning it around for the last couple of days, ever since I started watching the Oprah thing and then I had the meds thing happen yesterday, and I'm just giving myself a lot of grace for the person that I was before that had a lot of judgment around my limitations and was automatically equating my limitations with some kind of weakness or some kind of deep character flaw and how. Now I can see that that's not true and I can work to heal my relationship with myself and not be so hard on myself and not have expectations for myself that are unrealistic based on my limitations, and be able to identify where are the places that I just need a little extra work. Right, I need some more tone. I need to, like, do a few more reps in order to overcome that limit and maybe create a strength out of it.
Speaker 1:Right, we always hear that our weaknesses are like our biggest strengths, and I don't necessarily believe that. I think it's more that, like, sometimes our limitations can turn into our biggest strengths because they, you know, make us have to advocate for ourselves when that's necessary. But we can turn a weakness into a strength, and the way we turn a weakness into a strength is by practicing, by making ourselves really good around the area where we have the weakness. If we go back to the body, right, broken bones heal and are stronger than they were to begin with. There was a weakness there, there was a fracture, and the body comes together to create a stronger structure out of that weakness, out of that injury, and so, when we think about it from that perspective, I can actually turn a weakness into a strength. If it's one of those things, if it's one of those places where I need to develop skill, where I need to develop acuity.
Speaker 1:All right, my lovelies, I hope that you have an amazing rest of your week. I know I'm going to have an amazing rest of my week because it's birthday week. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me and anyone else who's celebrating their birthday. It's Aries season. All right, as usual. If you're loving the pod, please go like and review five stars only, bitches and have a great week. We'll talk next time. Bye-bye.