You Need a Coach B*tch

Indulgent Emotions

• Chris Hale • Episode 93

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Strap in as we dissect the concept of indulgent emotions—those tricky, sticky feelings that can trap us in quicksand, stalling our momentum. It's a journey through the murky waters of the emotional states that can halt us in our tracks, and a call to arms to confront them with bravery and introspection. By sharing my own struggles and triumphs, I hope to inspire you to take a magnifying glass to your own life. Join the conversation on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, where I'm all ears and ready to hash it out. Your insights and stories are what mold this podcast; let's lift each other up and charge into an incredible week with new resolve.

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Chris:

Hey Bestie, how are you? It's been a minute. I got off track on my recording schedule and I thought it was just gonna be for one week and then I got sick and that was no fun. So I just have not had the bandwidth. And speaking of bandwidth, I am realizing that I am spread a little thin, specifically since I started at SoulCycle, I just don't have the same kind of energy that I used to have.

Chris:

When I started the podcast, I had just stopped working for the Life Coach School. As a coach, I was teaching in their certification program, but I was no longer doing the like 20 to 40 hours a week of coaching and I only had a few clients and so I had all the time in the world. I was really figuring out my schedule and I was pouring all of my creative energy into the podcast. And now I am pouring a lot of creative energy into creating experiences for SoulCycle. I'm working with clients and I'm also trying to balance some of my other aspects of my life in there, right, really working on actually finding some kind of work-life balance, because I don't think I've ever really done that. So I actually don't know what production is going to look like on the podcast moving forward, because there are some other things I really want to invest some time in. I still really want to write a book and I want to potentially start doing more on TikTok and really work on my socials, because we do live in a world where, if I want to have a sustainable business, I do need to be out there marketing a bit more, sharing information with the world in ways that are going to actually expose me to more people. So I do need to spread the creative wealth around a little bit, and so my commitment for the podcast is going to be to prioritize quality over quantity, so that might look like me not recording weekly anymore, but really making sure that, like when I have something I really want to say that I feel like is salient and important for me to get out there in the world for you all, then I will show up and do that. But I don't just want to produce just for production's sake, and I've talked about this before, and when I talked about it before, I was still able to like show up consistently and nothing really changed. But now I'm seeing that like the way my life looks right now, something will probably have to change, and you know I am on the socials if you ever need to find me and if you have a particular topic that you want some information on. That's also a way that we can continue to work together. It's like hit me up on the socials and be like, hey, I'm having this problem. I'll record an episode based on whatever's going on for you and your life, which I know will be applicable to other people. So let's maybe collaborate a little bit more on creating this podcast together. And I actually do have something I want to talk about today and this might be a little mini episode. So that might be another way that, like I'm producing content for the podcast is like maybe we're not doing full, like 25, 30 minute episodes, but maybe like mini ones, and so today, I think, is going to be sort of a smaller mini episode.

Chris:

We're going to talk about indulgent emotions, and I may or may not have talked about this before. I don't know that's the ADHD, like it comes out of my mouth and I forgot I've ever said it. It happens with clients all the time like what did you just say? I'm like I don't know what did I just say, but indulgent emotions. This is coming up because I have a client who is doing a challenge right now on Facebook. She's got this challenge that she started and she's working with a group of people and we noticed that, like skepticism has come up a lot for her in the process of doing this and it's kind of an emotion that comes up consistently.

Chris:

It's sort of a habitual emotion and it occurred to me that it was probably an indulgent emotion, and so there is a difference between processing an emotion and indulging in an emotion. So there are sometimes going to be emotions that are uncomfortable, right, that like we're going to need to sit with and be with and really allow ourselves to feel because there is no emotion. That's a bad emotion, right, we're going to take the morality out of feelings and we're just going to allow ourselves to feel whatever comes up. But sometimes we have specific emotions that we kind of hang out in and they're not comfortable, but they're also not helping us move forward, they're not springing us into action and so essentially, they create no result. And now, no emotion creates no result, but it's really like a net negative result or like it cancels out any other potential result.

Chris:

And so the ones that we're most familiar with in terms of indulging and you'll probably relate to this are like worry right, we've talked about how worry serves no purpose. When we're worrying, we're not doing anything except for rolling around all of the scenarios in our head, forecasting to the future, and we're not really doing anything to fix whatever it is that's going on. Right, we're not taking action to move forward. Confusion is the same way, right. Oh, I just don't know. I don't know what I want to do. Right, sometimes we just have to do something and see what happens. We're afraid of, maybe, the consequences of doing something, so we don't want to take action, so we kind of swim around in confusion. Doubt is another one, right.

Chris:

Overwhelm is probably one of the ones that is most familiar, next to worry, right, it's like oh, there's just so much, there's so much. And when we're feeling overwhelmed and there's so much, our brains automatically tell us that we can't handle it and so there's no sense in trying to do anything about it. So, again, we just stay stuck. So essentially indulgent emotions keep us where we are. They keep us stuck in the same pattern, and we never have to do anything to move out of it, especially if we're in that space of like well, it's supposed to feel bad. It's not supposed to feel good all the time, but like staying in confusion or doubt or worry or overwhelm is not the same thing as facing your fear, it's not the same as being uncomfortable, it's not the same as like being awkward.

Chris:

So for my client, we noticed that, like you know, this skepticism, right, like I don't think it's going to work, I'm not sure anyone will show up right, those kinds of like maybe this is not the right thing, right, this sort of not wanting to actually like do the work to find out if it's the right thing. And this came about for her because, like you know, she's sort of always done things that were a quote, unquote sure thing. Same for me I tend to do things, I take on things that I know I'm going to be good at. That. I am pretty confident I'm going to be able to create something that I'm happy about, content with love. And I don't do a lot of things. And this is not because I don't want to, but it's just sort of the things I'm drawn to. But then, within the things that I'm drawn to, I noticed that I will shy away from things that I don't think are a sure thing, and so this is what's going on with her as well, like she doesn't have that certainty about things and she likes to have certainty, and so when she doesn't have that certainty, she goes into skepticism, which is like, oh, I just don't know if it's going to work out, and that becomes an indulgence, because if you never do anything, if she never takes action to find out, then we just stay in the same place. So I think this is important for all of us to think about. As you know, we're moving further along into the year it's March. Hello, it's my birthday month.

Chris:

Where are the places that you're maybe indulging in an emotion? And, like I said, you can indulge in any emotion. Our usual ones are that confusion, doubt, worry, overwhelm. Victimization can be another one when you like play the victim and this is not to blame ourselves. This is not like blaming the victim. This is when it's like all you're thinking about is like how everything's not fair for you, or like things are going bad for you and it's other people's fault, right, kind of that emotional childhood we talked about a few episodes back. This is what I mean by like victimization. Not that you've actually like something actually bad and traumatic has happened to you. So just that disclaimer.

Chris:

But yeah, where are the places that maybe you're kind of hanging out in an emotion, so it's not to move on, so it's not to take an action that is going to show you information that maybe you're afraid of receiving? I think this can happen in relationships a lot right, like maybe you're kind of in a situation where maybe you have a deal breaker, maybe there's something going on for you want something from your partner and you know that, like this is a big deal for you and you're not sure how they're going to respond to your request. But you know that if they don't respond in the way that like is positive, that's going to affirm you and give you what you want, that you might not be able to stay in that relationship. And maybe you hang around in frustration for a while, right, like you're just frustrated with what's going on in the relationship instead of actually voicing your need and finding out whether or not that person's going to be able to meet it or not, because you know that if they're not able to meet it, it might be time to move on. So that's another example of how we can sort of hang out in an emotion that's not really serving us, but it is an emotion that is elevated. It feels good to kind of be in it because we're feeling something, but it might not necessarily be the one that is going to move you in the direction that you want to be moving into to get your needs met. So that's it for today.

Chris:

Friends, let me know, do you think you've been indulging in emotions anywhere, and what is that costing you when you let yourself stay stuck versus really making the really making the commitment to face it whatever it is and feel your way through it? All right, I hope that everyone has an amazing week and if you're not following me on the socials, please do. I am on TikTok, I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook. Hit me up, let me know what's going on in your life and what you need help with, so that we can work together on making stuff happen. All right, Bye.