Feedback Feedback, Oh.

We are  getting feedback from others and the world around us at all times. How we engage with the feedback determines a lot in regard to how we grow.  In this episode, I walk you through a moment of feedback that I got from a rider at SoulCycle and what it has taught me about my ability to let in the thoughts and opinsions of others more globally in my life.

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Transcript

Hey Mike gorgeous girlies, what's going on? How are you doing? Happy December to remember? Oh my god, remember those fucking Lexus ads? Are they still doing that? I mean, Lexus are nice, like kind of not my jam. But it's still a nice car right away just diverging, diverging from any kind of topic. I am well. I'm feeling relaxed at the moment. So we're taking that as a win. I'm trying to think if there's anything new I want to share with you. I for sure how to thought while I was getting ready this morning, but obviously that has escaped me just too many ideas. It was probably before that Addy kicked in, you know what I'm saying? It is December, and we are going into a new year. So in the spirit of giving, and for a nice refresh, I would love it if you would consider giving the pot a review, and a rating five stars vein, it would be amazing to get some new feedback and who doesn't love the love from the listeners. Also, it definitely helps me keep going. I don't make any money from this. It's a free resource. And like I know how big of a jump it is to go from like a free resource to like my paid one to one offer. So I don't really expect to convert people from the podcast, it's not really why I do it. But because honestly, like knowing that it's helping people is payment enough. And honestly, for me, it's not super time intensive. So it's it's a labor of love. But it's also not that labor is labor. So is that a word? Yeah. Also, though, if you have any other kind of feedback that you want to give me, we're actually talking about feedback today as the topic. But, um, or like topics that you want me to discuss, I would love to help you more directly. And the only way that I can do that is if you ask me, you got to ask for it. As much as traditional marketing tries to teach us how to be in people's heads. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know exactly what you want. Even if you are technically my like, perfect client, avatar or whatever, I still don't fucking know what you want, because I'm not you. And you're not me. So also though, as a teacher, I'm always really excited about addressing actual concerns and teaching on topics I know people are engaged in. So it would be really helpful. Yes, for a review and a rating that would let me know what you're loving about the podcast. And then like, you can slide into my DMs or like, send me an email at Chris at the only Chris hale.com. And let me know like what kinds of topics you want to hear about, are you a creative? Are you a nerd divergent? Are you both? Do you have a business? Are you trying to think of yourself as a business but don't know how to think about yourself as a business? Are you just trying to survive late-stage capitalism and you want some tips on how to do that? I'm not sure I have too many for you. But we can talk about how to think about it. Whatever is going on in your lovely little lives, I want to be there for you. 

So talking about feedback, I actually got some feedback from a writer at SoulCycle. And it's so interesting, and I just, I really wanted to share it with you. And I wanted to obviously turn it into a lesson because, like it was helpful for me, and I'm sure it's gonna be helpful for you. One of the things that was most interesting was to sort of see how she didn't really even know what she was talking about. But she knew that she felt it strongly. And that it was important to her, and I listened. And it was great. I understood what she was talking about, even if she didn't understand what she was talking about. So I saw her after class, and I asked her how it was for her. And I noticed that like, you know, she wasn't super engaged in my bad, I don't think I got her name. So like, I wasn't like shouting her out, which is something I really tried to do, especially right now my classes are pretty small. So it's easy to learn people's names kind of, but I also have this thing where like, I'm afraid I'm gonna, like forget their name, or call them the wrong name, because I do that all the time. So I have a lot of anxiety about that. So you know, that's the thing. Anyway, I don't think I gave her as much specific attention as maybe I would have had I actually taken the time to get her name. 

So her reply to my question was  that my class was not her favorite kind of class. Now that is so interesting. So when I'm at Soul I'm in like , overdrive in terms of service, right? we take hospitality to the next level. So it didn't even really occur to me to be offended by it. I just got super curious with her and I asked like why I was like, well, like what kind of music do you Like, and she was like, Oh, it wasn't really about the music, it was more about the structure. And then she explained what she liked about another teacher's class. And honestly, I don't think that the structure of our classes that different, it's kind of hard to make class structure, like wildly different, because there are only so many ways that you can put a class together, that takes into account the like the soul flow, and like the health and safety of the workout, like, for instance, you're never going to do, some people have, I wouldn't, but you're never going to do a super, super fast song in the saddle into a another super, super fast song out of the saddle. Because the body just can't really maintain that, it's not the most efficient way to work the body out, you're already going to be kind of maxed out from that really fast song in the saddle. And we'll probably have done a lot of intervals and stuff. So you're gonna be super fatigued, we need to kind of reset with a slower pace, in order to kind of build back up, if you go right into another fast thing. You're just like, the bike is doing a lot of the work for you like you're just kind of moving with momentum, and not actually functionally helping yourself. 

Anyway, that aside, we started talking essentially about the way this other teacher queues their class. So she liked the way she knew how long they would be like, no push against resistance or how many more reps of a bicep curl they were going to be doing. It wasn't really the structure, it was the advanced warning, she likes knowing what's coming next, not so much that she liked, like the layout of the class, but like knowing what it was going to be see what I'm saying. This was great to hear, because there is a both and here for me. On one hand, this was super helpful. And bringing my attention to that aspect of class, I often get so caught up in the messaging, and the why of it all, like why we're doing what we're doing. And even like the physicality of it, right that I forgot about the practical part, which is telling people what we're doing. And this was very in line with the feedback that I got during training. Which is interesting, because I think back in the day, I was way more like body based and talked so much more about form and was more intentional about walking people, like through every step of the way. And now that I'm a coach, I give people so much more room to figure things out for themselves. Also, I will say the market that I'm teaching in is a very immature market, this studio out here just celebrated its 10 year anniversary, which is totally crazy. Because that means that like I actually taught at this studio twice when I was working for them last time. And that means that like those two, like that was like very early on in the locations like life at SoulCycle. Anyway, that doesn't matter to you, but it's like weird for me. So I've gotten very used to the fact that most of the writers in that room know what they're doing. So they don't, like need as much hand holding. And they don't need to even really trust me as much because they've got their own backs, right. Like, they know how much resistance they need. They're so familiar with all the different choreography and the, the BPM and all the things that like, I can just sort of like last minute say like, okay, pose your bass, and like they're just gonna do it. Like, without warning, and they're just gonna be like, go, You know what I'm saying. 

But this is a newer rider, she definitely needs more nurturing. And clearly, this writer needs more information. And so that's a lot of good stuff for me to notice, because I'm sure there are other writers that are going to feel the same way. And I don't know, I like to know what's going on. So I can totally relate to her in that sense. The and part of this is that she has also gotten very accustomed to the way a certain person leads class. So there is a possibility that it isn't so much that the other teacher always gives advance notice, but that maybe she has started to anticipate based on pattern recognition and familiarity, what is going to be coming next in that person's class, right? We all have our own unique rhythms and ways of putting classes together. I have like my favorite order for how I like to put my class together. And I kind of get into grooves of focusing on certain things and then shift that focus periodically. I think that's the ADHD. I'm like all in on one way of doing things and then I get bored and never do it that way again, right? But this is this is the great lesson here about feedback as it pertains to everything but especially our work and our businesses, our art etc. wrong. I've said it before, we do not want to defensively claim, we aren't for everyone. It is true. But let's not weaponize that so as not to actually reflect on what is being said, or offered by the other person. 

Now, disclaimer for those of us trying to be more comfortable sharing our voices after a lifetime of people pleasing. I am a total Fonner. And I am unlearning that. So sometimes it's like, I just need to dismiss what other people are saying to me. If this is you, maybe start with rejecting the person's feedback, but not defensively. Right? We can do that by thanking them and agreeing to disagree, not necessarily audibly, but to ourselves, and we can move on. And then we can pick it back up later, when we're not going to make it mean really, really horrible things about ourselves. Because sometimes right away, we go into that, like, rejection space, I think I talked a little bit about like rejection sensitivity last week, and we can go into that a little bit of that space of like, we're feeling rejected and shut down, and then we turn it on ourselves versus like, handing it back to the person. If that is you, and you're in that space, you can work on receiving feedback another time, you don't have to do this. Now maybe this episode is not for you, everyone else, which I realize might be a very small percentage of my audience. Now that I think about it. But I think this is helpful, we're going to ask ourselves the question, in what way is what they are saying true? 

Now I've already given my personal example. But another one that a lot of online entrepreneurs deal with is people thinking that you're only helping them because you want something from them, right? Like you're only reaching out to them, because you want to try to sell them. Now, this is fair on their part, in a sense, because of the amount of fucking creepy cold messaging going on, on the socials and in life. And in my email inbox, the amount of times I have accepted a friend request, and all of a sudden, I get the, I see your coach DM, like fuck all the way off, stop friending me and trying to sell me out of nowhere, we don't know each other, right, I need a little bit of buy in, everyone needs a little bit of buy in. But this is left a lot of people very wary of those of us who are doing content marketing, right? Like if we're putting out content as part of our marketing plan. And so many people have been subjected to this kind of like creepy, cold DM thing. Um, it makes sense why they might be a little bit like skittish people don't want to be sold to all the time, they do want to be helped. So if you can actually help them in some capacity, then maybe they will become paying customers. So the feedback here or like the lesson here, or what I want you to kind of like internalize is like, how is it maybe true that you are somewhere in the back of your mind being transactional with that person? This comes up all the time with my clients. And honestly, it's a small shift that requires like admitting that there is a part of you that's being transactional, right? And it could just be admitting that like, you really, really want to make a sale, or you really, really want to work with somebody, right? Like, if you just admit that loudly instead of trying to push it away as though it doesn't exist, because you've been told that you should not be coming from lack or scarcity or All right, whatever. Like, maybe just maybe face that part of you that is a little bit more invested in getting them to buy from you than you are helping them right. The problem is, is like we've been taught to gaslight ourselves into believing that we're always just coming from service. And for so many of us, that's really not true, because we're making our businesses responsible for our financial stability, maybe a little sooner than we should have. 

So there is that little piece that is like I need to make the sale, right? And then that can turn into seeing every person that you interact with as a transaction or $1 sign. And I'll be honest, like, this happened with me like with the Life Coach School, because they phased out all the jobs that I've held there. And so, you know, I was not expecting to be full time in my business and just a business. So like, that's why I got a job at SoulCycle like it helps to take a little bit of the pressure off from my business and it just gives me something else to do than just like sit at home. Thinking about when the next person is going to book a consult on my schedule fall. I digress. When you look at the places where it might be true. It gives you an opportunity to check back in with where you are mentally and emotionally and do a little reset. This is one of the biggest lessons I'm learning being back on the bike, resetting is always an option. I used to push myself so hard like I would max out. And then I would get down on myself for not being able to keep going. I saw every time that I needed a break as a failure. And the truth is like, that just wasn't available to me this time. I'm older, I'm not in the kind of shape that I was in 10 years ago. So now I see these resets as an opportunity to reconnect to myself and to what my body needs. And the truth is, if I give it what it wants, it's more likely to cooperate with me, right? If I'm like, giving my body a moment to catch its breath, then maybe I'm going to be able to get back up sooner. And get back in the game the way that I want to right, like I'm working more with my body than like against it. Because here's the thing, your body will always push against you like you're the one that has to give in. So what if you invited more feedback, and you use it as a way to be expansive,
right?

 Like, I'm using feedback and all these scenarios to be more expansive with my classes at SoulCycle, from the rider with my own body, I am like taking the data that it's giving me and I'm deciding that like, I can use that to improve myself in the ride versus like, burn myself out in the ride. And I actually coached a client on something similar in her business, someone had actually asked her to alter one of her her standards of practice, about access to materials, once they were finished working with her, she doesn't allow access once you've completed the program like, and like that's just a rule, somebody will have that rule. And she was feeling really down on herself about the fact that she didn't want to alter this, this standard of practice. But we took a moment to really consider what it meant. And what it really comes down to is that this person find so much value in the content that she is created. And although she was not ready to continue in the program, at this moment, she still wanted to be able to engage with it, that's a good thing. And my client could also relate to wanting more like we always want more, right? We want more from people. And she could also see that as a business, we can't always give everything away without being compensated. So right there has to be that thought as well. And it's not really practical to like constantly be questioning your standards of practice, right? Like we we set those up so that we don't have to think about them, they're kind of like a set it and forget it. And just doing that and sticking to them and enforcing them makes running a business so much easier, because you're not always remaking decisions you've always already made. But one thing that did happen from it, when we looked at like how it could be used for her expansion, is that it inspired her to create an offer that included those particular materials, but did not include support from her directly or from like the community that she has. I think she has a community anyway, if people want to purchase like the method and DIY yet, that could be a great thing for those people who don't want to be in a community or don't want one on one support with that work. So when she went to the place of like, How can this be for my expansion?

 That's what came from it. Before when she was focused on herself. Right? And, and the feedback, feeling and being negative, right? Like she was making, it meant she did something wrong. And and this sense, I'm using feedback generally as like data from others. So this person wanting access was the feedback, right? But she was like making it mean, like so many bad things about her. Now, it's important to know, in this scenario, the only actual factual feedback was that request for access. My client had also made up all this other stuff about how the person felt, and she was probably right that the person probably was disappointed, not necessarily disappointed in her. And she was making it mean that when she could separate the two that like this person could be disappointed but not necessarily be disappointed in her that was helpful. Another thing she was sort of thinking was that like she wasn't being generous enough. And that was not actual feedback. It was coming from her own brain, she made that up about herself. So we do want to look at that also. Because again, if we're looking at feedback is just data, like her brain was giving her that feedback, it was offering that thought. So there was like a little bit of her in there that like actually believes that, you know, what do you mean? So we had to question that. And also we did question whether or not she still liked her policy, and she did and not the A way to be more generous was to create this lower ticket offer. So this is like the examples of how we can really think about feedback in a different way. 

And, again, I know for some of us, it's going to be hard at times, if we kind of immediately go to that space of like, rejection or feeling like we've done something wrong. And if we've already got that narrative going on, anytime we hear anything that is questions, our methods, we might like spiral a little bit. But if we can just take a beat when we're regulated once again, and go to that space of like, how that is asking us to grow in the moment. And sometimes growth does not feel good. I feel like it's a much more self compassionate way to interact with information that we're getting from others or even from our own brain. So that's, that's feedback for this week, friends, feedback, feedback, Oh, such a good Janet Jackson song if you don't know it. Other than that, I hope that you are having a good holiday season and that things are going well for you so far. If you want to work with me, hit me up again. slide into my DMs I got a few different offers. We've got the embodied coaching mentorship, we've got one off sessions are up right now. If you go to Instagram and you go to my link tree, actually my link tree will be in the show notes. You can book a want a single session in the month of December, or you can book a console to see if you want to work with me for an extended period of time. Have an amazing day. Bye