Your Schedule Is Not The Problem

Recently, I had the opportunity to coach three different clients on their schedules. Or rather, they thought we were coaching them on their schedules, but in reality, their problems were not time management issues.  Instead, we talked about perfectionism, shoulding, unrealistic expectations, avoidance, and environment.  When it comes to coaching often times the thing you think is a problem is in fact not what needs your attention. 

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 Hey loves, how are you? I'm doing good. Um, things are very chaotic, very amazing, very woe in my life right now because of my current schedule with being in SoulCycle training. My life is all types of crazy and Yeah, I'm just feeling like I'm just going with the flow. I might have talked about this last week. I'm just letting this experience sort of wash over me. I am not at all worried about my ability to do this job because I've done it before. Um, but... It is a lot, it wasn't, it was unexpected, and you know, it is a lot, and we're, we're making things work, although life is strange. 

I actually had an interesting moment in training the other day. One of the trainers, Melanie, she was there the first time around. Um, she's been there forever. She started as a writer, and then she became an instructor, and then she became one of the, um, heads of, like, Instructor Development and Training. She was so generous with me and like the simplest way in her feedback. And I wanted to share it with you. So I came off the bike after my turn teaching my fellow trainees. That's how we do training. So they give us a particular portion of class that we have to teach and then we get feedback. And Melanie had mentioned that it felt like maybe I was holding back, to which I actually agreed with her.

It usually takes me a moment to kind of warm up to things and I have not really had a moment. So I said to her, I think I need to stop telling myself the story that it's been so fast, right? Because that's kind of what I keep saying to myself, I keep saying it to other people, and you know, when we tell ourselves these stories, it's not so much about like whether it's factual or not factual, it's really about the way that it makes us feel, and I've said this so many times. When I'm saying it's fast, it like keeps me in sort of a dysregulated, like, anxious state. But anyway, that's not the point. Um, my point in saying to her that I needed to stop saying that it's been so fast was that like If I'm really honest with myself, it really isn't that fast. I have actually been thinking about this for a while. I had thought about trying to go back in 2018, and that didn't happen. And I said to her, like, I just, you know, needed to trust that this is the right time and stop the story that it's been so fast. And she was just, like, so chill. She was like, maybe it is fast. And it's still the right time. She's like, so chill.

And so, I want to emphasize... This, because it goes back to the conversation we had on validation. It is entirely okay to perceive this experience as fast and also trust the process and believe I can do it. Fast in this case is allowed to be a fact if I want it to. Um, again, I just need to check in with like, if I make fast a fact, what is the story I'm telling about that? Right? So this is what we want to make sure that we're paying attention to. If I... Except that sending an email on a Friday and being in training the next Wednesday is fast. Okay, that can be true, but what am I making that mean about my ability to acclimate? What am I making that mean about my capacity? to be where I need to be by the end of this training, which is only four weeks in reality. So this is, this is what we want to focus on. I do feel like most people would agree with me that like, this is kind of fast. But like, what then? This is the power of seeing someone in their vision of the event and recognizing that it's real for them and then helping them to decide how they want to work through it.

Fast does not need to be challenged. Maybe the real thought error in this is that I haven't had enough time to warm up in order to stop holding back, right? Like if that was the critique or the feedback that I was getting, if I accept F. A. fact, And that I'm making it mean that I haven't had time to, like, really, like, be all in and, like, show my sparkle, show my shine. Then, yeah, that's, that's an issue. And I have this story that it takes me time, but, like, maybe that's not true. And maybe it's not about time at all. And so, maybe it's actually more about, like, how closed off I've become over the past seven years to myself and to others. And even if I, you know, I'm not ready to be, like, open in my personal life, like, maybe there is a way to kind of find that in this training. There is so much safety in the room with the people who I'm training with. And it's so funny because I'm, like, I'm at least, I'm like 20 years older than one of the girls. She's literally 23. And the ages range from like 23 to like early 30s. And it's so funny because I was in my early 30s the first time around.

This is just so wild. But the group is just, I don't know, these like young millennials and like Zs, like these, you know, Zoomers. They're so lovely. They're so open and welcoming and supportive. And I just, I don't know. I think that if you ever have an opportunity to be around, um, this younger generation in this kind of learning environment that is meant to be so, like, supportive and loving, I think that you will see that they are Like, way, way, like, far ahead of where I think we were at. Especially, I know definitely where I was at at 23. The other thing that I, that happened is, you know, when I shared that it had been so fast for me, one of the trainees, Summer, she was like, I'm, it was so good for me to hear that from you, because even though... You know, we've all, like, wanted this for so long, and we went through our auditions, and, like, we've been waiting, and it's been a process, like, the actual, like, implementation of it, like, the actual, like, this is when you start, has felt fast. Like, she was, like, flying in, I don't even know, like, her, this girl Summer, our first, or the first day of training that I was in, um, cause I missed orientation day, she was in an airport, like, she flew in, Like, she was on the call, in the airport, then flew in, and like, came to training the next day. So, moral of the story is, share. Share your truth. You don't know who it's gonna impact. And... Challenge your own stories. 

So honestly, like, that could've been it. That could be the lesson today. We could be done in like, eight minutes. Podcast done, which, that's not a problem. We could be. Sometimes we don't need like, 25 minutes to like, spend together and like, get a point home. But, I do have more for you. I wanna talk about scheduling again. Um, and how maybe, just maybe, you do not have a scheduling problem. So this probably is gonna be quick because we're just gonna talk about some sessions I had and I'm just I want to bring some things to your attention that you might also be doing.

So, this past week I had a couple of, I think three, intuitive scheduling sessions. Um, I just sent an email out to my list. If you're not on my list, get on my list. Um, because I often do this. I often offer, like, free sessions, or I open up my schedule for one on ones. And, this is one of those times where I was like, you know what, I feel like people could probably use a little getting their schedule in order in quarter four, blah blah blah. So I just put out a little email and I was like, hey, I'm opening up some free intuitive scheduling sessions for anyone who wants to kind of work on that. So that's a really good reason to get on my mailing list if you want offers like that coming into your inbox. Anyway, this is so common, and this is really like, probably the, um, the thesis of all coaching, is that oftentimes When we think we have one problem, it's actually covering up something else, and that's not the issue at all.

And I'm sure if you are familiar with coaching, you know this to be true. Or if you've done therapy, or any other kind of like, self awareness practice, you know that like, you think it's one thing, Um, and then it gets pointed out to you, lovingly, that it's actually something else that's going on. And, you know, this is exactly what came up for the three different sessions that I had. And there were some commonalities, actually, that I think... It would be really helpful for everyone out there to kind of consider if this is something that you are doing too when it comes to your calendar and your schedule. So the first thing that I noticed from all of these sessions was that there was a high level of perfectionism going on.

in regard to what people's schedules needed to look like. You know, like needing to get up at a certain time to make sure that they were exercising or setting up their day or blah blah blah blah blah, right? It was like, very much like, I'm not doing it this way and therefore I'm failing. Or, I have this time in the morning when the kids are at school but I'm not using it and I should be using it this way but I'm not. So there was a lot of judgment and a lot of perfectionism around. the way that time was supposed to be spent. And if you've downloaded my Intuitive Scheduling Workbook, then you know that I don't play that. Like, that's not how we roll when it comes to intuitive scheduling. It is not about what you think you should be doing in a specific time. It's more about what is the best use of your time based on when you have energy, when you have focused attention, when you're able to be in the right environment. For you to do the work that you need to get done, and what's gonna feel good? Like what's gonna feel the best for you to do?

So I just want you to check in right now if you think that you're having a scheduling issue. Is your issue actually not that you can't put things on the schedule, or you can't show up to scheduled things? Because... Newsflash, we all do it every day, right? When there's somebody else on the receiving end of our work, or someone else we have to be accountable to, most of us are pretty good at doing it. But where we tend to fall short is when... It's being accountable to ourselves, and the only reason that happens, or one of the reasons, is because of that perfectionism piece, because we're belaboring the idea that there is a perfect way to be spending that time. The second thing I noticed was people having things that they wanted to do.

In a specific time and then not doing it, right? So I think this was actually every client had this but the particular client I was, I'm thinking about was that she, you know, wants to be making offers in her coaching business and she's like was 80 percent done with her website and that was kind of the thing that was holding her back and it was really just like it had nothing to do with with her not being able to show up to her scheduled time and finish the website. It was more about her avoiding some discomfort around finishing it and putting it out there in the world. And everything that was going to then ensue once she did that. So, you know, now her website's out there. Is there going to be criticism about her website? Well, you know what people? Most people aren't going to your website. Like, unless your SEO is like, on point. Most people aren't finding you through your website to begin with. They're probably finding you through your social channels. And they're creating a relationship with you based on that before they ever make it to your website. And so your website does not need to be amazing.

But she was kind of stalling, right? You can see that, like, there was, like, this avoidance. Because she was resisting what was gonna come up for her once her website went live. And once she was no longer, like, Quote unquote being productive by tinkering with her website. That's all she was doing, right? It made her feel like she was making progress. It made her feel like she was doing work. But she was not in fact moving forward because all she really needed to do was like publish it. It was mostly done and the extra 20 percent was just like Again, perfectionism coming in, like, moving margins and things, right, like it wasn't a big deal. And the other two had similar things going on around, like, completion of goals, completion of work.

But I think that was, like, one of the perfect examples around... Um, just like, when it's not actually a scheduling issue, like you have the time, you set yourself up for the time and then you're not doing it because, not because you don't have the time, and you don't know how to put it on your, your calendar, and not even that it's like not the right time energetically for you to do it, but because there's something else that you're avoiding. That you don't want to face, and so you just don't do it. That is not a scheduling issue. Like, so check in with yourself on that. Like, is there anything going on in your own life, where you are wanting to complete a project, but you notice yourself just like, not getting it done? in that time? What is it, like, what's gonna happen once you finish it?

That's the thing that maybe you're not considering is the actual issue that you're trying to avoid. And then the third thing is that environmental piece that I don't think we think enough about. And I think I've said this And it's sort of antithetical to the coaching, like, philosophies that I teach, or that I was taught in. But environment really does matter. And so, in the way that I was trained, and the way that I would train other people to coach, in the beginning, because I think, I think that, like, coaching, Right, there are levels of being able to coach people. So in the beginning, right, we're really helping, as an instructor, I'm really helping new coaches to learn how to help their clients see that their feelings are optional, that, right, they don't have to change every life situation or circumstance in order to achieve their desired emotional state.

And I think that is actually step one for everybody. Everyone needs to learn at some point that the circumstances in our life are not dictating our emotional experience. They're not dictating our, our fulfillment. They're not dictating like what we're getting out of life. It all comes from our brain. It all comes from our thinking. Even if it's not our conscious thinking, it's still being processed through our brain. And so there's a whole mechanism going on there. So I think that that's the most powerful thing that we can teach anybody when we're first coaching. As the coach and as new clients because most of the clients that you're going to bring in as a coach They're not gonna know this shit, right like or they're gonna have read it somewhere like I did, you know I'm I talk about that all the time They're gonna have read it somewhere, but they're not gonna actually understood the practical application in their life So that is definitely square one but as we evolve into things right we want to use coaching to become more in tune with ourselves and become even more of an authority in our own lives.

And I think that one of the things to take into account is like an environmental factor. So, one of the clients was saying that like, you know, she knows she really works better out of the house and that just might be true. I have a friend, actually Denise, who was on the podcast and I was on her podcast. I don't remember if we talked about it. on air, on one of our podcasts, or if we talked about it privately. But, you know, she talks about how, she mentioned how, like, working in the schools for so long, she's very accustomed to having lots of people around and lots of energy, and so she likes to go to cafes and she would go to, like, Barnes Noble, for example, to work.

She knows that that works for her. So this client knows that, like, If she drops off her kids at school and then goes right back home, she's less likely to get that work done. She needs some kind of, like, stimulation in her environment to help her. Again, not necessarily a scheduling problem, but it is something that we address in Intuitive Scheduling. It's like, are you in the right environment to do the work you need to do? And so we did that session, and actually she is in Thailand. So, um, our session was like, in the morning for me, but I think in the evening for her. And then like, before I went to bed, she messaged me that she dropped the kids off at school, went to this, you know, coffee shop and was actually able to like complete this work that she really wanted to complete it was something that she was passionate about but like Other, like, things in her environment were distracting her, and yes, do we want to be able to build the skill of being in whatever environment we want to be in and still get our work done? Absolutely, that is totally, like, something that we can do, but we also don't need to make it so impossible for ourselves, and that is something I think is super, super important. And I think that's really important for, like, my neuro-sparklies out there, right? Like, sometimes we really need to honor ourselves, and honor, like, what is the best way for us to get things done. And not be, like, beating our head against the wall trying to make something happen that just, like, doesn't want to happen because we haven't set ourselves up for success in ways that we think we shouldn't need.

So, that's it. That's kind of my takeaways from these intuitive scheduling sessions. The perfectionism of it all. The avoidance of it all and the environmental aspect of it all are three things that if you're having trouble sticking to a schedule or even like planning a schedule Look into those things and seeing if they're impacting you in any which way. I actually reached out to one of these clients after we talked and I just wanted to check in with her to see how she was doing and she said her biggest takeaway was just like having the permission to use her time the way that she wanted to use it and that is totally that perfectionism piece, it's like Yeah, you are, you are your boss, your own boss. And this goes for whether you have a job that you report to someone else, or if you have your own business. Like, you actually get to say, like, how you spend your time. And that is one of the most important things that you can do, is make that decision for yourself and give yourself permission to utilize your time in a way that is going to create success for you.

All right, my friends, I hope you have an amazing week and I will talk to you soon. Bye.