Lessons From a Healing Crisis

In this episode, I am talking about a recent healing crisis after a massage and what I learned from it about me and my business.  Tune in to find out how to know if you are just experiencing growing pains or if you are actually out of alignment and need to change your path.   

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Transcript

Hey Besties happy fucking Pride month. how are you? A lot is going on. We are starting with celebrations. I do this with my clients and its so fun. Top of the list Alex Newell And J. Harrison Ghee won fucking TONY awards. This is huge. For two black nonbinary people to win one of the biggest honors in theater, which for something where there are so many queer people at every level and in every facet of is still so homophobic and transphobic I can’t even begin to imagine what this level of representation will do for young ones growing up. It is a very scary time for trans people and this is forward motion. 

This one feels really personal. I wish I had representation like this as a kid, or was allowed to explore my identity through dance and theater. I had to be Romeo and the Prince all the time as one of the only identified as male children. One of my first and most traumatic memories of dancing was being forced into an all boys class as child.I couldn’t have been more than 6 or 7 and the teacher chose WWF as the theme for our dance. We were all supposed to be wrestlers and I remember the conversation around my costume and that I was meant to be shirtless. I agonized about having to show my body on stage. I was in complete terror. Ultimately I got to wear a shirt but only after a lot of push back. To forced to perform masculinity at such a young age especially when it didn’t; align with how I felt and to then be expected to do it public on a stage half clothed 

Anyway this was just the beginning of being forced into roles that never felt quite right. Now I believe this is one oft the main reasons I rejected being a performer. and didn’t pursue it as fully.  I was constantly pushed toward it and yet it wasn’t even ever an option to exist in it the way I wanted. at the end of the day it meant that it was not for me. Hopefully more kids will be able to advocate for themselves to be able to explore and find themselves in performance. After all isn’t that what its all supposed to be about. 

The other thing I want to celebrate , and this actually happened earlier in the month, but a federal Judge rules that Tennessee drag ban is unconstitutional. Big win. And like I said last week we need to be able to see the good with all of the bad. This is definitely a mindset thing we can work on. We look for evidence for the thoughts we think. If we think things are only continuing to get worse that is all we see. And I want to stress the only part. Because again there are some truly heinous  things going. Violence against our communities has absolutely risen. But we need to able to access the yes and of all of it. 

Speaking of yes and, I am not sure if that is the best transition but here we are…..We need to talk about the ultimatum, queer love. Now to be honest I didn’t even know about this show until this iteration. Apparently Nick Lachey is involved with other seasons. We all know how =much I like a late 90’s early aughts boy band. The host of this one isBree Buckley from Gossip Girl who we first met on Reba, can’t remember her characters name but I believe she was married to the guy from Shameless who’s literally built like a tank. Anyway,  I only watched like the first half hour of the first episode. Why is this a yes and? Well I love that we are getting a queer relationship reality show. Like, I think that we need to be able too be as trash ass the straights in our viewing pleasure and representation. It can’t be all painful coming out stories, HIV movies and Hallmark knock offs.(bros, love simon I’m looking at you. Although I love both those movies)  

Also I love the that all the couples are super diverse, and here come the and Aaaaand right off the bat it is problematic. Premise real quick in case you do not know, is 5 couples are basically deciding if they are going to get married or break up because one partner has had it and wants marriage but the other needs some convincing. they do this by swapping partners for 3 weeks and having a pseudo marriage with someone they just met to compare to their long term relationship. Does anyone else see a problems with this? If not I will tell you that of the first 2 couples we get some history on we have Xander and Vanessa. Vanessa literally says I do not want permanency I don’t want stability. I am not even sure what to unpack here but I will start with the chick being on a show where she is cleat what she does not want but is willing to ignore that. What the eff. Also for Xander, why are you here trying to convince someone that does not want permanency? Now I know reality tv is not real but this message, of deny your truth and be with someone that wants you to do that is just more of the same counter conditioning we have received our entire lives. 

I could literally do an entire series on this show but I am not sure Ic an bring myself to watch it. I prefer the girls of selling sunset. The last thing I was to mention is one of them is like, we are here deciding the person we are going to spend the rest of our lives with. Absolutely no you are not. Most people get divorced and you ma’am have been historically commitment averse. Not happening. 

So that’s it. that was the week in queer happenings. How do  you feel about the Tonys, drag bans and the ultimatum, queer love. I am dying to hear your thoughts. 

I have no good transition for this weeks coaching topic. so I am going to just dive in. I had a bit of a healing crisis this week and I wanted to share because I think it’s relevant for how we think about growth. I need to give you some background info so buckle up for story time, or increase me to double speed if you don’t already listen that way. I had my usual bi-weekly massage last week and work up the next day with my body freakgin the fuck out. He had decompressed my ankle and I had all this pain in the arch of my foot. Ok that I could understand. this often happens with adjustments. Something was out of wack and then you get it back in place and the body starts login its thing which means muscles that were previously not working turn on or start functioning differently and you get some pain from them being used again or being used differently. This only lasted a day. 

What hadn’t to lasted just a day is what happened to my jaw. I have a history of tmj, this is not surprising. I was a teeth grinder as a kind, now I am a jaw clenched and I am hyper mobile so I tend toward instability at my joints. I woke up Saturday with my jaw so fucked and it’s still not ok even after a trip to the chiropractor. So what is going on. Well I’ve had a lot of dental work lately and my chiro thinks that something was aggravated, the body reacted by crating tension in my jaw neck and upper trap. My massage therapist release my trap and neck and when that happened and those muscles were no longer guarding that it reveled the misalignment of my jaw. All the tension was compensatory and once gone my jaw was like hello I am not ok. 

This is what we refer to as a healing crisis. When things seemingly get worse before they get better. Release of tension one place destabilizes you for  a second and then things regulate. My foot is a n example of this. Our first reaction is to think something has gone wrong. The treatment didn’t work or it actually harmed us. But if we cants chill for a second and let our bodies incorporate the adjustment then shit works itself out. This is an opportunity for us to acknowledge the things we do not have control over. Namely most things as it pertains to our bodies. The work will be integrated and over time we will see the impact on our overall functioning. 

But what about the jaw? Well that is an example of what I sometimes refer to as a smokescreen. Here something was revealed to me that I didn’t even know was a problem because as always my body in it’s wisdom created a work around. When I think back about the massage I didn’t  know how much pain my right trap was in until my guy touched it and I gasped. And then the release of it brought my attention to the real issue. 

The real issue is a mis alignment. of my jaw. I didn’t know there was this misalignment and yet it was impacting so much of my life, and actually I’m going to talk about that next week or else this episode would be 2 hours long. But for now it can be helpful to focus in on how we can uncover these misalignments. Persistent discomfort is a good sign. Where as the foot pain cleared up this jaw situation is still not resolved and its been two weeks. An example in my business might be if we go back and look at the way I was creating my schedule a year ago. 

I was consistently burning out. This showed me that I was out of alignment somewhere with myself. It was not a growing pain, so to speak. I kept believing it would get easier and feel better. but really I needed to address that something was off at the structural level so I redesigned my work life to be more in tune to my natural rhythms and I no longer experience that burn out.

I wanted to bring this to your attention because think that we can miss the lesson sometimes when we react to discomfort instead of getting curious about it. This is what I have leaned very physically from the experience I am having in my body. Where might you need to be paying more attention in your life or in your body? What feels off that you are just waiting for it to feel better? Where might you be panicking about something that is just the normal part of doing business and experiencing growth? 

The compression in my ankle was preventing movement and not allowing for me to access the fullness of my ability where as the jaw was more about not being on the right path so there was movement but it was not smooth and was painful. 

Trust yourself to know the answers. I have built such a great relationship with my body that I can tell the difference between it working to integrate something and it signaling to me that something is off. That is the work I hope to help you do with yourself on every level. 

Have a good week my friends.